Bat Watch 2005: Days Nine & Ten
Okay, maybe I'll save the "choice phrase" for the part in the story where it actually happened.

So it all started Friday night. (I forget if I made it clear earlier that I had been sleeping on the couch in the basement for the last week or so after the two other floors had proven to be bat-prone.)

I have this thing where I can't sleep if there are open doors. Call me quirky. But closet doors, bedroom doors, bathroom doors... any doorway leading into the room in which I am sleeping needs to be shut or I can't sleep. So when I went down into the basement that particular night, I shut the bathroom door and the door that goes to my dad's workshop and proceeded to mess around online.

Now the door to my Dad's workshop used to be our front door. So it has a glass window in it, but it's covered in contact paper making it translucent instead of being able to see right in there. This window also has a distinct rattle it makes when the door moves. I heard the window rattle at about 11:30, but didn't think too much of it, because the air conditioner kicked on moments later. I just figured it was the air circulation that made the door move in the frame a little bit.

When I heard the rattle again about 12:15, I got a little nervous. Silenced everything else in the room and sat paralyzed staring at the door. Waiting. 12:32. Another thunk. Oh $#!&, noooooooooooo! There was something in there, because I had just seen a shadow on the glass.

I guess I failed to mention that earlier in the day, my parents left for the weekend. I was home alone. Home alone and crapping right there on the couch. I called my brother.

Greg: Hello?
Me: Are you awake?
G: I am now.
Me: There's a bat in Dad's room!
G: Well, I have friends here so you can't really stay the night.
Me: Oh no, I wanted you to come here.
G: What do you want me to do about it?
Me: Get it out!?
G: No. Danielle. I'm not going there.

Pthht, so instead I grab all my stuff and go upstairs. Barricade the basement door to keep anything from escaping the area of the house I have now deemed the pits of hell. I attempted to sleep on the couch, but the second I turned off the television, my crazy imagination took over. So I ended up making my parents' bed and slept somewhat soundly in there -- the only room where there has been no bat activity heard.

Bat Watch 2005: Close Encounters of the Bat Kind
So Saturday I got up and got ready for the day after scoping out the main floor to make sure I was alone. Nate & Shanna came to town to hang out for the weekend, so we had big plans.

We went out for lunch, and while we were eating, I recounted the episode from the night before along with the whole history of the Bat Watch 2005. Shanna could completely relate, as her parents had a bat story that ended with one in the garbage disposal. (Yeah, that was my bad call for asking about her bat history WHILE WE WERE EATING.)

We hung out at Nate's parents' house for a while. Came back to my house to play Trivial Pursuit: Pop Culture Edition. (At this time, we braved the pits of hell, because I had to get band-aids from the basement bathroom. But after surveying the area, we determined that the bat had not gotten into the main area of the basement.) We went out for supper, stopped for take-out coffee and again returned to my house.

The order entering the house was Nate, then Shanna, then me closing the door behind us. We got into the kitchen, and Nate stopped short arms outstretched to stop us. The next few moments are a bit of a blur. I just remember looking into the living room, and seeing the shadow of a flying creature on the wall illuminated by the setting sun. Seconds later, said creature was flying into the kitchen. There was some screaming. Lots of ducking. I grabbed Nate's coffee in my other hand, and we all backed toward the entry. But with two hands full of coffee, I couldn't open the door to get out. More screaming. Heart attacks had by all.

Next thing I know, we're outside. Nate goes back in with an umbrella. Shanna and I go around to the back porch to open the door in order for him to shoo it out. Turns out, the little guy must have missed a doorway or something, because Nate found it dazed and confused on the kitchen floor. Shanna covered it with a laundry basket. I got a piece of cardboard to shove underneath, and Nate slid it towards the door.

By the time he got to the door, the bat had come to and was trying to get out the holes of the basket. More screaming. "JUST FLIP IT OUT!" "AND SHUT THE DOOR!" So Nate flung the cardboard, basket, and all out onto the porch. The bat flopped around a bit and then took off for the trees.

And the greatest part of it all? As we were sitting there rehashing what just happened, Shanna said, "Yeah, even after all of the bat conversations today, the first thing I thought when I saw it was 'oh weird, there's a bird in the house!'."

The Bat Man comes tomorrow. Not a moment too soon.