I think I'm going to buy a really expensive imported suitcase only because Stacy had one for her South African tour and said it was the best money she ever spent. Mom said she could buy it for me for the next Christmas. We'll see. (People, make a note to not have children around Christmas, because birthdays are much more convenient during the giftless void of summer.)

Geography Lesson
#1. Map of Counties in Tennessee.
#2. Map of Present Weather Conditions.
#3. When there are large green, yellow, or even orange areas over your corresponding county, it is not advisable to walk to the post office without an umbrella.

(I got wet this afternoon.)

Field Guide to Online Dating Profile Photography

For Sale...
Someone is trying to get rid of a 1962 Hammond organ. Email me if you want the details.

My Father's Daughter
My dad is the king of useless trivia. Particularly music trivia, but really any trivia.

(For instance, when we questioned what some dude was doing lying in the grass surrounded by a circle of white things on the lawn of the Parthenon, he was able to explain that it was a fairy ring... though it still didn't explain what the guy was doing on the ground in the middle of them.)

One night a Swiffer commercial came on and we had this exchange without missing a beat...
Dad: Who originally sang this song?
Me: Devo.
Dad: And what is the song called?
Me: "Whip It".
Dad: That's my girl.

All the while my mother is laughing in disbelief because many of these conversations went on over the weekend.

I'm Pretty Sure I'm Going to Die Now
Sun is shining in one window. Sky is black out the other. The wind just blew all the leaves out of the tree a second ago. And now it is deathly calm. Where's a freaking basement in this state when you need one?